The Daycare Dilemma

In the New York/New Jersey area, where we've lived for the past 4 and a half years and where we've seen countless friends have babies and then seen those babies off to school, almost everyone sends their kids (babies, really) to preschool as soon as they turn 2. I suppose part of the reasoning behind this is the rigorous school curriculums that are now in practice, starting as early as kindergarten, from what I've heard. So last summer all the moms who have kids around Ben's age - he was about to turn 2 - were having the preschool discussion. "What have you heard about Preschool A?" "What about the Montessori?" "What's the JCC's curriculum like?" "The YMCA has a great teacher to student ratio." Everyone asked what preschool I was going to put Ben into, and luckily my answer was easy - we were moving, so I'd look into schools when we got to Massachusetts.

I ran into a funny number on all the Massachusetts preschool websites - 2.9. As in, it's the law here that preschools are only available to kids aged 2.9 or older. I spent the vast majority of my spare time trying to figure out what .9 of a year was. It wasn't until about a week ago that someone told me that it wasn't really .9 as in nine-tenths - it really meant 9 months. So a kid has to be 2 years 9 months to enter preschool. So my plans for having Ben enter preschool when we moved and having two "free" mornings a week (I use the term "free" loosely, because honestly, I'd still be caring for a 9+ month old!), and having Ben learn invaluable social skills were all of a sudden caput. I had done some research, however, on 3 of the facilities up here before the whole 2.9 thing came to light. I even visited them. The first one was okay - I could see Ben there but it didn't wow me; the second was amazing, fantastic, wow-inducing; and the third was a disgusting basement cave that I wanted to leave as soon as I walked in.

Steve and I talked a lot about enrolling Ben into the second facility. Steve was definitely for it 100%... I, on the other hand, was a classic flip-flopper. On one hand, of course I wanted Ben to have more exposure to kids his own age, and I think the time away from me would do him (and probably me) some good. And I know the facility's teachers are way more creative than I could ever dream of being and would find all sorts of ways to stimulate Ben's little mind and keep him engaged, which is better than playing with the same toys we have in the playroom again and again.

I had two big issues on the "con" side of enrolling Ben. First was simply an issue of semantics. I had planned on enrolling Ben in a preschool, but as preschools in Mass don't start until age 2.9, this would technically be daycare. And I felt like since I'm a stay at home mom, it's my obligation - my job - to be at home with my kids. Not to pawn them off onto someone else because I need a break. I feel like that is selfish. I chose this life, and I feel like putting him into a daycare isn't fair for me to do. But then I tell myself that I wouldn't feel guilty at all if the title were "Preschool" - I would actually feel like I was doing something good by enrolling him. I think I'm still kind of torn on this. I think part of it is that preschools generally only go for a few hours a few mornings a week. If/when I enroll him in this facility, the minimum number of hours you can sign up for is "up to 9." Meaning that I could pick him up after only a few hours if I wanted to, but most kids stay there for a full day. 9 hours is so long for him to be there. And I know I'd feel guilty sitting at home playing with Logan or eating lunch with Logan and thinking about Ben eating lunch at the facility. But then I think of him playing with other kids and being exposed to brand new activities and I know that's good for him... ugh! I told you I've been flip-flopping!! (I just went back and re-read the first line of this paragraph, and now I can't remember what the second thing on the "con" side was. I think it might have been the whole stay at home mom thing.)

Anyway, after thinking about I did sign the enrollment papers for Ben. We had visiting days on Tuesday and again today. I'll write separate posts for those experiences.

Are there any other stay at home moms out there who have put their kids in daycare? Did you experience guilt? How did you get over it?